In ancient Greek Mythology there are grand tales of supreme struggles, man vs man, man vs beast and even man vs. Gods. Achilles, Perseus, Hercules all of them heroes, that overcame insurmountable odds, toga malfunctions and even temptress sirens that nearly brought them to their doom…. But why, why do those names still ring in our ears and grace our lips…. Because when they faced their greatest challenge, when their supreme foe lined themselves across from our heroes on the field of battle, they didn’t not shrink from the challenge, they didn’t turn tail and run. Oh no….. they fought.. they fought and they won.
Now I am sure all of you familiar with those names, but after last night’s epic game between Infusionsoft and University of Phoenix, the day may soon come that names such as Brian Luckey, Jimmy Frost and Adam Daniels will be listed in the pantheon of immortal heroes alongside Jason and even those amazing Argonauts . Too much you say? Too over the top? An exaggeration or embellishment?.. Then you didn’t witness the bottom spanking that happened on the night of Tuesday March 24th… a night that will be recorded in the annals of time as a gloriously awesome night.
Infusionsoft’s offense took the field first and I need not even mention it, but yes, you have guessed correctly, we went deep. The pass was thrown like an Olympic javelin, straight, graceful and downright unbelievably accurate. Dustin Lunt shook free from his foe and retained a two step lead, racing down the field. Now this much might be speculation, as I don’t know if Dustin became entranced by the beauty of the pass or the shock of it coming directly to him, but he lost control of his normally sure hands and let the ball hit the dusty ground and we came up empty…. Don’t be too harsh fair reader as this story is not complete, Dustin may do something later in our tale that will redeem him of this terrible mistake.
A few plays later, it became fourth down and Infusionsoft decided to lay all of the cards on the table and go for it. The QB scrambled left, with amazing agility and quickness, and saw Cheyne Nelson make an inspiring, fake out pattern and then turned it up field. The QB guided the ball over the defenders and Cheyne did the rest, scoring on a 60 yard touchdown pass. 7-0 Infusionsoft.
UoP took the offensive field like a deadly Hydra determined to strike back. The defensive tidal wave that hit UoP drowned any of their hopes for scoring on that drive and they turned the ball over on downs. Infusionsoft took the field again and it was destruction by committee, with Wade making an integral catch, while dancing his way up the field for a 15 yard gain. The team now stood at 3rd down and the end zone when the QB took the snap. He stepped back into the pocket, but it began constricting around him like an arctic albino anaconda, with the speed of an angry rhino, the QB skirted the defenders and began to make his way to the end zone. The defenders shocked with the display of pure agility and quickness collapsed to try and stop him. Then out of true benevolence and selflessness the QB, faked the run and tossed a quick pass to Cheyne Nelson who scored his second touchdown for the evening. 14-0 Infusionsoft.
There was still life left in the dreaded beast UoP and they proceeded to march up the field. Infusionsoft’s defense nearly stopped them many times with Jordan Hatch, Michael Hobbs and Dallin Chase racing after the Quarterback and disrupting his passing attempts, but it wasn’t enough. Infusionsoft fell short when the UoP QB found an opening in the back of the end zone, in Infusion’s defensive weak spot and exploited it perfectly. Fortunately, Infusionsoft was able to stop their extra point attempt and the score stood at 14-6 as the game went into halftime.
UoP got the ball to start the 2nd half, but was immediately stopped in 4 plays, with Brian Luckey getting a 12 yard sack, pushing them back to the shadow of their end zone. Infusionsoft’s offensive juggernaut retook the field. Infusionsoft performed surgery on UoP’s defense and sliced its way to the 8 yard line. UoP was able to put up a strong resistance once Infusion was knocking on its door and it became 4th down and goal. The QB took the snap rolled to his right, when suddenly he heard, like a conch shell of victory ringing out in the distant air, his name called out. The QB lofted the ball into the far left corner over the defense, and on his tip toes Dustin Lunt caught a high wire catch, barely landing inside of the touchdown. 21-6. It goes almost without saying that UoP took the field again and once again they were shut down, highlighted by an amazing QB sack by Infusionsoft’s Tree-Beard, Nate Bloom. Who knew that such a Goliath could move like a springy gazelle, prancing between defenders to get to the QB and throwing his flag down with unbelievable power.
Of course, I as your narrator, must save the best for last. Infusionsoft’s offense retook the field and was knocking once again on UoP’s door. To try and accentuate the eventual victory, the QB threw a lofty pass to Nate Bloom hoping to create a jump ball. The ball flew to high and just sailed over Nate’s outstretched hands….. but then like Speedy Gonzalez grabbing a piece of cheese falling from the kitchen table, Cory Hodnett sped across the back of the end zone and caught the pass, sealing the victory and sticking the dagger into UoP’s heart.
Every hero needs its nemesis… Infusionsoft faced its nemesis and spanked them like a petulant child, and great was the spanking thereof.
